Sentences that are wordy, too long, and don't get to the point Example #1 [Original] In order to develop a performance assessment procedure that is suitable for this purpose, a number of technical issues will need to be resolved. (24 words) [Edited] In orderTo develop a suitable performance assessment procedure, that is suitable for this purpose, a number of technical issues will need to must be resolved. [Final] To develop a suitable performance assessment procedure, a number of technical issues must be resolved. (15 words) Another example [Original] Although a large amount of in-depth research on earthquake potential proceeds continuously and is often funded partially or wholly by government funding, what is lacking from the standpoint of the user community is a systematic approach to presenting key data and results to the professions at large. There is a need to compile, evaluate, and present results in focused reports and databases that collect and present current data and knowledge on a timely basis. (Two sentences, 74 words) [Edited] Practicing engineers need to be apprised of the latest engineering research developed by government-funded programs. Although a large amount of in-depth research on earthquake potential proceeds continuously and is often funded partially or wholly by government funding, what is lacking from the standpoint of the user community is a systematic approach method must be developed by which to presenting key data and results to the professions at large. There is a need to compile, evaluate, and present results in focused reports and databases that can be collected, compiled, evaluated, and disseminated and present current data and knowledge on a timely basis. [Final] Practicing engineers need to be apprised of the latest engineering research developed by government-funded programs. A systematic method must be developed by which key data can be collected, compiled, evaluated, and disseminated on a timely basis. (Two sentences, 36 words) Another example [Original] Definition of Major Building Structures. Major buildings in the present context refer to buildings that involved engineering design, as opposed to using conventional light-frame wood construction. Conventional light-frame wood construction is defined in ICC (2000) as "a type of construction whose primary structural elements are formed by a system of repetitive wood-framing members," it can be thought of as a design method that does not require engineering calculations of load and resistance. (Two sentences, 67 total words) [Edited] Definition of Major Buildings Structures. Major buildings in the present context refer to buildings that involved engineering calculations of load and resistance. design, as opposed to using conventional light-frame wood construction. Conventional light-frame wood construction is defined in ICC (2000) as "a type of construction whose primary structural elements are formed by a system of repetitive wood-framing members," it can be thought of as a design method that buildings are not considered major buildings because their construction does not require engineering calculations of load and resistance. [Final] Definition of Major Buildings. Major buildings involve engineering calculations of load and resistance. Conventional light-frame wood buildings are not considered major buildings because their construction does not require engineering calculations. (Two sentences, 30 words)

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